My baby girl. My fought-for little miracle. And, as your four older siblings would probably tell everyone here, the undisputed baby of the family.

You had the sweetest baby rolls, which earned you the nickname Tubby. The rolls disappeared years ago, but somehow the nickname stuck.

You’ve been attached to me since the day you were born. First because I refused to share you, and later because peeling you off me became a daily occurrence—even as a teenager.

Doing your hair and dressing you up was one of my greatest joys.

Even at two years old, sitting in the grocery cart, people would stop to tell me how adorable you were. I couldn’t help but smile and say, “Oh yeah? Watch this.”

Without fail, you’d lock eyes with a complete stranger and deliver the most perfectly timed little wink. The whole aisle melted.

You’ve always loved people. Even as a little girl, you’d hand out random compliments. I remember thinking, “Please never lose that.”

You also never sat still for more than seven seconds. There was a lot of running, spilling, breaking things, losing things, and forgetting things…

And somehow, everyone else always seemed to get caught in the aftermath. To this day, I’m not sure how one tiny person could leave so much chaos in her wake.

But that’s also the thing about you—you’ve never done anything halfway.

When you decided to do something, you went all in. Whatever captured your heart, you gave it everything you had.

The qualities I’ve admired most about you are your resilience, your ability to connect with anyone, and your willingness to stand up for those who are struggling. You have always been incredibly self-aware, deeply thoughtful, and yes… wonderfully blunt!

People were always amazed that we’d be barking at each other one minute and then laughing together five minutes later like nothing had ever happened.

That was just us.

Loud love.

Quick forgiveness.

There are a few things I know I’ll always treasure.

The late-night conversations that always started after I’d already climbed into bed.

Leaving you little sticky notes of encouragement.

Being your on-call therapist as we solved every problem, processed every feeling, and somehow managed to fix the world before bedtime.

And hearing the front door fly open as my little tornado swirled through the house without warning.

One of my favorite exchanges between us is this…

I say, “I love you.”

You say, “I love you more.”

And then I get to say my two favorite words:

“Not possible.”

I always knew your sensitive heart, your tenacity, and your anchored faith in God wouldn’t be appreciated by just anyone. It would require a very special man—someone secure enough to appreciate every bit of who you are.

And then…

Logan showed up.

You weren’t completely convinced at first—and honestly, I was grateful for that. I knew your heart well enough to know you wouldn’t settle until you found someone worthy of it.

But as I’ve watched the two of you from a distance, I’ve seen something rare. I’ve watched you match each other’s intensity while choosing honesty, grace, forgiveness, and humility—not because someone ‘made’ you, but because you both wanted to build something worth keeping.

That’s when I knew God was writing a story neither of you could have written on your own.

I’ve watched your love grow as you’ve leaned into family, sought wise counsel, and pursued God together.

And Logan, I’ve watched you lovingly lead her, defend her, encourage her, cherish her, and most importantly, love her exactly as she is.

Logan…

You’re getting a woman who will challenge you, fiercely defend you, support your dreams, make you laugh, keep life exciting, and love you with her whole heart.

She’ll also leave things in strange places, borrow your hoodie forever, and ask you where something is, while it’s sitting right in front of her.

Cherish every bit of it.

Because what feels ordinary today will someday become the things you miss the most.

And today, with a full heart, I’m not standing here losing a daughter. I’m celebrating the incredible woman she has become, the man she has chosen, and the beautiful life the two of you are building together.

She’ll always be my baby girl.

And I get the incredible privilege of welcoming another son into my life.

Take good care of my little tornado. She’s one of God’s greatest gifts to me.

Good luck.

You’re gonna need it. 😉

But I promise you…

She’s worth every second.

I love you both so much.

Cheers!

There’s no escaping it…

It’s gonna be heard,
The thunder
It’s gonna be seen,
The lightning

Like trials…
Will they terrify us?

Or remind us..

Of His power
Of His capacity
Of His perspective

It’s gonna be felt,
The rain

The release.
The unfettered abandonment of
cleansing freedom to tip your head back and let Him wash it all away,
even for a moment…

While He…
waters
nourishes
feeds
sustains.

Often without a notice to us.

Will we begin to learn from how he speaks to us through Creation?

More importantly…

Can we trust Him?
…for everything??

The ache that emerges
To remind me
You know… when you just miss someone, and wish they were with you.

When there’s been too much time
It can be hours or days…

But when it comes, I am reminded.
I miss you..
which means I need you..

I love it, because it reminds me.
I hate it, because I don’t want to need.

And then I’m thankful that there’s someone in this world that I am “this” connected to.
Because this world has become so very lonely.

A child, a granddaughter, a significant other, a friend, a niece, a daughter-in-law, a mother, a father, or anyone living human.

We were made for relationships, and the ache is a reminder♥️

I can’t wait for the day that all these aches and pains will be gone!
Until then… onward we go!

Today is all you got, your future is not your lot.

Regret or validation, will be your only consolation.

Staying in the moment propels, while future worry only dispels.

I learned how to live,
through trials and uninvited grief:
I learned how to love, through tears and gritted teeth.

I learned how to exist, through guts and the need to adjust:
I learned how to give, through example and patient trust.

I learned how to change, through observation and self-reflection:
I learned to speak, through confidence and action.

I learned how to relinquish, through self-control and anything serene:
I learned how to rest, through guidance and routine.

Most of us earn,
and anyone can learn,
but those that discern,
no longer live with that burn.

I learned to live…
I learned to love…
And all because…
of the Ultimate Example, that ever was…

A lot of us are hero’s ♥️

#poetry

#iappreciateyourvalueinmylife

#thankyouveterans

#sacrifice

But only you..

It’s as though you have a filter, with all my ramblings, you’re somehow able to strain it through that incredible mind of yours…

When the noise of everyone else and my own deep thoughts flood my entire soul, overwhelm me throw me off kilter, swirling.

Who could center me,

Who could direct me,

Who could inspire me,

but only you…

#poetry

I thought there would be a better time to grieve.

A more appropriate time.

Maybe a longer more private time.

Or that it would make itself more obvious.

Things would “slow down”.

Or I would, somehow, just feel it.

Potentially even a break down.

“There would always be a better time”.

I put it on a shelf.

Maybe I was afraid it would be too much…

Possibly it would overtake me.

Over a year ago I heard the words…

he is gone…

Those three words..I have been afraid of hearing most of my life.

And so, as absolutely shocking as it was, that was all that I needed to hear, even though I questioned it over and over, and as my voice raised in volume each time as I rhetorically recited “what?!” until I was uncontrollably sobbing.

And then one day, almost exactly a year later, I realized… that the “time” to grieve was never coming… I started to ooze and it felt like salve and air and hope.

I don’t know why, exactly. I know that counseling is digging out reasons that I cannot share but I am grateful that I am growing and being freed. I am proud of myself for doing the work that goes unseen by most and I hope that others can see maybe one thing and do that for themselves as well. It is worth more than gold! And although I give a lot of credit to my counselor I have another Counselor that deserves it all! ❤️

Sometimes life hits you hard and then before you know it, there’s another wave crashing, each breath, enveloping that hope… and then down again… until you might come up and bob for a while and feel like it’s OK. The sun is shining for a moment and then out of nowhere..you’re literally sucked back under from a wild current tossing and turning, no gravity in your center, no breath, no air. Up again, but completely depleted.

Is it waves of grief or seasons or both?

The cyclical cycles of science and nature , and time are intwined.

It’s almost one year to my brothers death and I feel like a geyser…

I’ve seeped out, very randomly, some deep emotions, but feel like I’ve never really grieved him like I “should have”.

I don’t know if there’s a normalcy to grief and I hate for anyone to put words to that because I feels like I should be grieving a certain way, but I do think there was a Protection.

When my brother died, I had to take care of my mom. I had to take care of his funeral. I had to take care of the lawyer litigations and his “estate”. It was a part time, if not full-time job, with a lot of emotional baggage involved, but I believe now, that it was, maybe, a protection for me, because I possibly could not have handled the amount of grief I would’ve felt had I not had that distraction of the details of dealing with all of that.

This is really hard for me to say, because dealing with all of that… I kind of resent it. But I’m starting to be thankful for it and I’m starting to see God in the big picture.

I’m starting to see His hand in it and Him knowing specifically who I am as a person and starting to see His protection on me and I think that if we all can look at our lives and see His protection through things, it will help us accept our circumstances more and see His love for us and that’s what’s absolutely most important! I hope you can you see this in your your life in some way more clearly through you’re trials! ❤️

What she missed most, was eating with him.

He unexpectedly passed, four weeks ago. Wow, I simply can’t believe it’s been four weeks, it seems like one.

I called them my Spooners.

Often, I would walk into the room and they would be laying in their bed literally spooning each other. They loved each other, deeply and physically, to the very end.

Other times, I would walk in, they would be sitting in their chairs, right next to each other and most often, I couldn’t get a word in, because all they could do was interupt, each and every conversation, in order to give each other a compliment!

I guess this is what happens when you get to the end.

You start to see everything, much more clearly, and all you want to do is to tell someone, anyone, that that person means so much to you.

Today I was able to intercept her meal from the kitchen, only because of the most gracious and understanding kitchen workers. (There’s a rhyme and rhythm to feeding 40 people at one time, let me tell you!).

So, throwing a cog in the wheel, I requested it, yet, only because I knew that it would matter.

I grabbed her meal tray, entered her room, sat in her late husbands chair, of course never presumptuous (as she has expressed, “that it would be nothing but a huge blessing!”).

I simply sat with her, prayed beforehand, at her request, ate a meal, conversed, and then… I was the one blessed with her very long prayer, to end her evening! 😉❤️

She had had visitors today and although she was exhausted from just that, she was also so incredibly thankful for her family!

Many do not even get one visitor and we joked about how over-loved she is!

And yet all I can say is that….

….it is all of these little things that ultimately add up.

Yes, it is the visits, yes it is the person that is filling, the oh so canyon void, along with so much more.

However, may we never forget the little things that we do and at the same time understand that’s it’s not all on us!

It’s takes a village.

When we all play our part, everything flows like a well-oiled machine, even in the midst of the utmost grief.

Never underestimate your own role or underestimate the role of others. ❤️