My favorite sight when I arrived on his doorstep was him greeting me with his giant smile!

This man was absolutely the closest thing to Christ I have ever known, or known was possible!

If there’s a thing called pre-grieving, I did it. I can’t count the times that I told him that I could not handle ‘the day’. The day that the Lord would take him and proceeded to involuntary sob in front of him. Of course, he reassured me that because of the faith we have, we will see each other again.

I never thought I would be able to handle it, but in hindsight, he knew I could, and he saw my faith and strength.

The worst and best is that he distanced himself from me this last year because, I believe, he knew how hard it would be, we talked less often and I could hear it in his voice. After seven years of sharing our hearts and ministering to each other in ways we both didn’t know we needed, he knew it was best for us both.

He was beyond the wisest man I’ve ever known and the greasiest gift that God has ever given me thus far.

My heart is grieving. My thoughts are about him and tears stream randomly, but I’ve never known such a sacrificial love, such a sacrificial man than this..

His love, was, FOR me. To have known this kind of love is beyond understanding .

To say I’m thankful is beyond words.

What I will remember, is his love for the true gospel message of Christ, first and foremost. But I will never forget how we spoke in ways that most would not understand: through the Christmas cactus blooming, through him showing me the bubbles in the sink making a cross, the unimaginable trials he has been through, the songs he would play, through him reading the old, worn tattered verses on the scroll. And so many other daily things. Often, not needing to be direct, but also at the same time, having such an impact.

I won’t forget that what needed he was extremely particular! His shirts had to be just so and every thing was very methodical! I didn’t mind. ❤️

He loved his flowers and anything and everything about them. He loved, saw and was enthralled with creation. He saw God in it all and it gave him resilience to keep going.

I’ll always remember taking him to the grave of his wife and the talks along the way and the tears and stories. I felt very honored to be in that space.

The abundance of tears I have shed, and yet the healing I was graced with, in those four walls for 7+years, every two weeks while I cleaned for him, are worth more than anything life will ever have to offer me.

I spoke to him just a few weeks ago, and of course he pretended that he was fine, but I knew, I just knew it was the last time we were going to talk. 😢 I told him that he had made more of a difference in my life than anyone I have ever known, I sobbed and sobbed.

He was so happy for where I am, but, of course, put on his brave face and told me that he would see me again..soon.

I knew what he meant.

This is connection. This is a gift. This is God. I can’t imagine the blessings He is finally experiencing after all that he has done behind the scenes for Gods glory! I’m behind ecstatic that he with Jesus: pain free, (physically and emotionally) and rejoicing!

#iappreciateyourvalueinmylife #griefisaprocess