I don’t know how to not give.

I do things that people think are selfish but they hurt so badly as I struggle to hold back.

They hurt, as I fight for what I truly want for them.

I endure the pain again and again.

I know I’m so selfish, yet I love like I want to be loved.

I also shut them out and speak only truths that I know will matter.

Reality just doesn’t equate anymore…

So I fight to not to inject it.

I saw them but I don’t think they saw me.

And even though I didn’t fully forgive,

I gave.

I struggled through too many moments.

I wanted to imagine a perfect ending.

But life doesn’t ever go that way, I’ve learned.

I hung on as long as I could.

Then I gave up.

I didn’t even know when I did.

And then the tears came…

Too many.

so I must have.

That’s when I knew.

I had.

You were my everything and then you were also my destruction.

How will I ever reconcile that?

I would have never known. Never ever, ever guessed it was going to be you.

Thankfully I woke.

I didn’t need you.

I thought I did.

I wanted you,

I didn’t need to.

You were everything when I needed it.

Now you’re just a memory and just a part of my soul forever.

Forever both.

Damn you.

But more so,

Damn me.