Author: httplesliekay

I wish I knew the accurate percentage but I’m not sure there’s any way to know for sure or if I would even trust in the statistics.

However, there are so many people that deal with abandonment in different ways, in many, many ways that they may not even recognize.. let alone an outsider.

First of all, there are those that have been actually physically adopted. (they deal with abandonment in a way that many of us will never be able to understand the depths of.)

Then there are those who deal with abandonment in more of an emotional way.

-Absence of anyone you love makes you experience abandonment whether it is through death, heartbreak, loss or abuse.

Sometimes this is a slow fade throughout a lifetime, sometimes it is a sudden loss, sometimes it is an abrupt death.

Any way you look at it,

Abandonment is ramp-ed.

It destroys our soul and steals our joy.

It is one of the devil’s greatest loopholes to lies, anger, resentment, etc…

The devil wants to make us feel isolated and alone when we are experiencing these emotions/triggers/feelings.

And it is EXACTLY the opposite of what God tells us that we are!

But the very Truth is…

We are all adopted!

We are NO LESS loved than the moment we experienced this awareness.

We ARE SO SUPER LOVED!

Believe it.

Live in it and through it!

It’s the ONLY way to be free of it!

The ONLY way to be free of the pain and lies!

Then and only then will we live the life He intends for us!

HOW WILL I KNOW…

…if I’m not there.

How will I know…

that you’re OK.

How will I know…

that you’re safe.

How will I know…

that you’re stable.

How will I know…

if someone is there for you.

How will I know….

when I don’t know what you’re feeling.

How will I know…

when you actually might need me.

How will I know…

when I can’t see your face and read into all the little things I know about what that means.

How will I know…

when you feel confident,

when you’ve done something amazing, and you feel like conquering the world.

How will I know…

when you’re at your lowest.

How will I know…

when you’re laughing your guts out.

How will I know…

when you’re being too hard on yourself, because you always are.

How will I know…

when you’re laying in bed at night and feel alone, even if you’re not.

How will I know…

when you make tough decisions,

or when the people around you are building you up or bringing you down.

How will I know…

when you figure out something new about yourself.

How will I know…

when you’re hurting, because of someone or worse, your own self.

How will I know…

when you’re hiding behind those walls you’ve built, that only I can see through.

How will I know…

when you see the awe and wonder of life.

How will I know…

when you need to cry.

How will I know…

when you need to be held or when you need to scream and yell in a safe place.

How will I know…

And then I realize…

I don’t need to know…

Because He does.

I don’t know where the line is that crosses from victim to adult/awareness of actions, because I have experienced that there is a line.

You could be 16, 24, 38, 46, 59, or 80-some years old.

However, I feel like I have personally crossed that line.

So, speaking as an adult, we can blame anyone/anything for our problems/outcome/issues…but at some point we make our own choices. And we need to take responsibility for that.

I do.

And so far, I’m very confident in the choices He has led me to make, not all, but for sure the ones I gave into His hands. ❤️

How do you know…

when I need space.

How do you know.,

when I need courage.

How do you know

when I need Him,

How do you know,

when I need to be reminded that I am a woman.

How do you know,

when to be sacrificial.

How do you know,

when I need to be reminded I am not alone.

How do you know, when I need to be reminded that I am so much more than I think I am.

How do you know,

when I need to rage against the machine.

How do you know,

when I need to face myself.

How do you know,

when I need to hear your heart.

How do you know,

when I only need an example.

How do you know,

when to be brave.

How do you know,

how to lead.

How do you know how to love ME?

Maybe I’ll never get to know, in this lifetime…

BUT YOU DID

I’m bawling.

I’m releasing

I’m angry

I’m thankful

I’m fearful

I’m hopeful

I’m confused

I’m blessed…

I’m not alone

That’s all I know.

To the left. No thats too far! To the right now. Oops. Back to the left a little. Now just a tad to the right.

Do you ever feel like you’re never knowing which side to lean toward?

We want immediate results! We want it now and we want it perfect!

And it can be for for bad or good things!

Our emotions are screaming for what we desire/need/want.

They’re screaming for us to act and express, maybe fear, love, control, desire, trust, etc..

But they are what allows you to feel, good or bad things -yet they can’t teach you about self-control. They don’t mind getting you into trouble.

So when we lean too far toward emotion, within minutes our logic is sending warning signals!

Yes, logic is there to teach us, but does not posses the ability to let us experience the blessing of giving and receiving because that takes risk.

Logic and risk don’t hang out together. Logic can keep you safe but also paralyze you.

Which one do we listen to?!

With both shouting for our attention!

Too much of either is where we sit crooked, spinning, out of time.

When we lean too far in one direction the centrifical force will swing us too far back the other way, therefore taking longer to center.

We will always be swaying and more so at times but the more we practice staying toward the middle, the pendulum will slow and keep a steadier pace.

Be ok with your current pace.

We all keep completely different fluctuating rhythms and time.

This is why we’ve been given the ability to function with both.

-Finding the balance of risk yet confident in our decisions.

-Taking time to think through consequences.

-Most importantly, not marinating in regret, knowing we made the best sound decision we could make in that moment.

We may not understand it.

We may hate it.

It may take us years to accept, let alone figure out.

But the process of not leaning too far one way is worth the effort.

Allowing both to operate at the same time will create less moments of feeling like we’re spinning out of control or worse, completely stopping.

And one last thing, but don’t forget!

Every pendulum has a Footing.

Lack vs Abundance

Showing: everyday. 24 hrs

Starring –

Lack

Abundance

-Lack is very dominating.

He does not want you to see anybody but him.

Lack is very selfish.

Lack doesn’t let you speak.

Lack thinks he has all the answers.

He does know how to drive you like a workhorse.

He makes you feel empty.

Lack is manipulative and will never let anyone else see what he is doing to you.

-He only lets them see your false productivity.

Lack pretends to love you but loves himself too much to be able to.

Lack craves control.

Lack does everything to lie to you when Fruit has taken his place for a moment.

Lack hates Fruit because he can’t understand, let alone, appreciate, their differences.

-Abundance sits quietly waiting for you to see him.

Abundance uses a soft whisper.

He’s encouraging when Fruit shows up and doesn’t need to size him up.

Abundance listens when you’re tired and tries to warn you when Lack is at the door.

Abundance is only ever able to be sought.

He does not possess the ability to intrude.

Abundance is available AT ALL TIMES!

HATE-LOVE (and the gap…)

HATE

I hate IT MOST when I am having a pity party.

I hate when my pity parties drive me to places I know I shouldn’t be.

I hate when I judge.

I hate when I assume.

I hate when I fear.

I hate when I make choices contradictory to what I know for myself.

I hate when I react out of my feelings.

I hate when I am misunderstood because I know it’s NOT possible to ever be, fully.

I hate when I have expectations.

I hate when expectations are put on me that I cannot fulfill.

I hate when I hate…

And then a there’s LOVE…

I love giving it.

I love receiving it.

I love it when I find an ability I’ve been given, connected with the need of someone else.

I love when I’m struggling and someone gives me the exact words to redirect my entire world.

I love it when I’m thankful.

I love it when I feel free.

I love it when I don’t care what anyone else thinks except Him.

I love it when I can be alone.

I love it when I am with certain people.

I love it when there are no requirements to be met.

I love it when I see my children grow even if it’s painful for them,

I love it when I see them smile,

I love it when I see them enjoy life.

I love it when I am patient.

I love when I react from truth.

I love rest, of any kind.

I love everything about creation and every moment I can be taking it in.

I love most when Someone understands me.

“Walk in LOVE”

*“Walk in TRUTH”

He is both…

-These are the things I tell myself every day and have realized I will never be able to fully display, His love, until heaven, even though I will and do try, I know that its ok, because…

…He bridged the gap between the two!

My favorite thing is when you know you’ve done something that makes me OK and suddenly I’m stabilized and you just let me carry-on, thinking it was maybe all in my own strength all the while both of us knowing it wasn’t. Onward we go, until, I realize, maybe, most definitely, I need you again…

When you go through something difficult you had shared with others and then there are always these certain days/dates/moments that you hope they’ll remember. And they don’t….

I’m not sure if it’s good or bad when most people don’t remember…

I know we’re all human,

But maybe for the first time in my life I’ve experienced what it feels like to think that people will be there for you and remember and then they don’t…

This forces you to fight not only the grief, the pain but then also self pity, if you let it…

and I absolutely hate when I am finally aware that it is operating in my being. 🤬😭

ALL WE NEED IS HIM!

HE KNOWS AND HAS HEARD AND FELT ALL WE THAT WE HAVE EXPERIENCED.

You can not and never should put your trust in any mortal.

And I don’t say that despairingly!

It’s where I’ve realized that my growth has occurred and freedom has entered!

When I finally realized I didn’t have to tell anyone about anything, and yet continued to thrive, true peace invaded my soul. 🙌🏼