Sometimes life hits you hard and then before you know it, there’s another wave crashing, each breath, enveloping that hope… and then down again… until you might come up and bob for a while and feel like it’s OK. The sun is shining for a moment and then out of nowhere..you’re literally sucked back under from a wild current tossing and turning, no gravity in your center, no breath, no air. Up again, but completely depleted.

Is it waves of grief or seasons or both?

The cyclical cycles of science and nature , and time are intwined.

It’s almost one year to my brothers death and I feel like a geyser…

I’ve seeped out, very randomly, some deep emotions, but feel like I’ve never really grieved him like I “should have”.

I don’t know if there’s a normalcy to grief and I hate for anyone to put words to that because I feels like I should be grieving a certain way, but I do think there was a Protection.

When my brother died, I had to take care of my mom. I had to take care of his funeral. I had to take care of the lawyer litigations and his “estate”. It was a part time, if not full-time job, with a lot of emotional baggage involved, but I believe now, that it was, maybe, a protection for me, because I possibly could not have handled the amount of grief I would’ve felt had I not had that distraction of the details of dealing with all of that.

This is really hard for me to say, because dealing with all of that… I kind of resent it. But I’m starting to be thankful for it and I’m starting to see God in the big picture.

I’m starting to see His hand in it and Him knowing specifically who I am as a person and starting to see His protection on me and I think that if we all can look at our lives and see His protection through things, it will help us accept our circumstances more and see His love for us and that’s what’s absolutely most important! I hope you can you see this in your your life in some way more clearly through you’re trials! ❤️