Why am I surprised?

You have no regard for humanness.

Even if, even if…there are warning signs, you still, rush in, out of nowhere and demolish us like a hurricane and take us off our feet.

You take away all the security we took for granted.

All the moments that we thought we still had.

You erase them.

You steal them.

You make us almost believe they they weren’t even real: because they’re gone and we believe this. Never to be felt, never to be experienced again.

You try to take even what was real, as we ravage and scramble to store up every memory, believing that if we don’t, they’ll be just a vapor.

Well fuck you grief. I will remember.

I will remember…

…even if it’s through tears and pain.

I will remember, even if I can’t remember right now, I will continue to remember.

First of all I have to say because I know you Will, you will laugh now and you still did when you were here, that you were a spoiled little brat but somehow what came out of that was the most beautiful soul!

•I will remember the Smurf sleeping bag that you used on the couch that was your favorite thing.

I will remember that you woke up in the middle of the night and thought that you were peeing in the toilet and you were peeing on your bed.

I will remember that the bat flying around at dad’s house when we thought we found shelter upstairs on the couch on the floor, peed on my face, was the loudest laughter that I ever heard you laugh.

•I will remember the days on the farm riding four wheelers and snowmobiles together. When you pulled up to the 8 foot cliff and pretended to scare me and thought you had it in reverse and we went flying over the cliff and I broke my arm and you felt so horrible and had human strength to turn the four wheeler upside down.

•I will remember all the things we confided in each other…

*•I will remember that you were always my safe place and my protector that we could say one thing like twin souls and know exactly how the other person felt.

•I will remember that you brought me chicken soup whenever I was sick. Also you would never give me the recipe and I was so mad at you for this.

•I will remember, most of all, that you loved me, no matter how or what I was doing.

•I will remember, most prominently, that you loved my children, which was more love to me than anything else you could’ve done. You poured into their life the best that you could.

•I will remember the last words that I said to you. And that will always be between you and I. 😉☺️

•I will remember all the verses you sent me and I will remember all the confessions and also all the humility that you had.

•I will remember that the character and love and servitude and compassion that you had is all I ever wanted in a man. And I will forever be thankful that I have had that example in a brother.

•Most of all I will remember your faith and how you did not care what anyone thought when you shared your faith unapologetically and I will and do promise to live out that Legacy.

Your funeral was a testimony to that and as cliché as it is, no one will ever really know the lives that you touched through the stories that we heard! 😭

I drive by your street I wish I would’ve stopped in more. I hear a song that you sent me and I wish I could tell you how much it means to me now. The last time you came to my house and brought me a grill to replace my small camping grill will be used until it’s dying day!

It wasn’t our last conversation but it was our last private personal moment and I’ll never forget it. Things we said, the look in your eyes, it’s as though we knew.❤️

You left a legacy, my brother, even through your struggle and pain. You left a message and a legacy that will continue to bear fruit and I promise to carry that torch for you.

I’m so glad you are free! It’s truly the only thing I can cling to that’s given me strength to endure. I’m so beyond words that I emphatically know you are in the arms of Jesus without a care. FINALLY.

Praise the Lord. 🙌🏼. Onward we go. This too shall pass.