I could not hear a sound outside today.

The stillness was perplexing.

Silence like love: carrying peace and pain.

Both of you essential, but in a constant battle for dominance.

Never stopping to see me; the object of both of your existence.

Silence, I need you, to teach me things about myself. You rejuvenate me, you give me strength and a filling nothing else can, so I can then share that.

Love, you’re crazy, you scare me and also fill me in ways beyond words. Giving and/or receiving you is your magical gift, only you possess. I need you most, maybe because I fear you most. You hold all the cards.

Exhaustion is sometimes all I can feel, trying to integrate you both into my life.

Defaulting one way or the other.

Loyalties, a whip-lashing experience, ending in usually an allegiance only to myself.

A place that feels comfortable and safe, always, eventually, resentment settles in.

Silence and love.

When I don’t attempt to get your attention, (whether that be saying no and basking in my needed solitude or running after love, given or received), face my own fear or break into the fight, you’ll continue to be a silence that isolates and a love that is self focused.

But suddenly I remember.

I have a choice.

I have an Advocate.

I have a Referee

“Timeout!” I can scream!

This is my team, my life, and it all matters to me!

First, I’ll bring it to Him.

He will be waiting, because that’s His only concern.

He is the one who listens, hears and then speaks.

This is silence and love perfected, that I could never attain on my own. ❤️

#anxiety #silence #love #iappreciateyourvalueinmylife