And then you find ‘the one’.

Conflicting emotions arise.

Will they give you everything I wanted for you?

Even if I desire this, it’s difficult.

No, it’s grief.

But an unfamiliar unique type of grief;

Grief that is laced with adventures to be had, challenges to face, and endless opportunities to give and receive love.

Will I trust all those reasons?

When you were my everything?

And I was yours?

But for a time…

I heard your first gasp of air.

Immediately responsible for your existence.

Concerned at every decision if you were getting enough of everything you needed.

I fought to instill in you an enormous imagination, strong character, an inquisitive nature, but even more so, love—Love that looked different that any other kind.

I observed you.

I tried to learn you but you couldn’t fully be known.

There was too much to you.

But for a time…

I rocked you, read to you, taught you, listened to you: At times, I talked way too much, worried even more, spent sleepless nights begging God to do what I knew I couldn’t.

But for a time…

As you got older, every single talk that we had, changed me and I only hoped it did you also, in some way, that maybe I would never know, but somehow, that had to be enough.

The way we connected through your art and music and how it spurred even more conversations, bonded and grew us both into more of who we were meant to be.

But for a time…

Whether you needed comfort as a crying infant or protection in your rebellious teen years…

I knew it wasn’t me that would come through. I knew it wasn’t me that had all the right words or strategies.

It could only be Him.

What I didn’t realize then was that I only needed to be an example, an imperfect honest humble human of an example of all of the things that I wanted for you.

You were watching.

Ingesting

All my strivings were less potent than my own walk.

You needed to witness traction.

But for a time…

That’s all I know right now.

Everything is for a time.

Nothing is promised.

And yet, goodness absolutely is.

Despite my fluctuating emotions, I will trust in the goodness that is always promised!

The truth is, God has been more than faithful!

So son, it’s time it’s time to let you go and for me to rejoice!

That is what I will do, because I am your momma but more importantly, you were always in His hands, even when I couldn’t see it.

Off you go, or “hit the road Jack” as we have joked!

I’ll be there for you if you need me, but I will never intrude.

I will be a champion to the both of you and only steer you towards truth, the best I can.

I trust you emphatically, despite my own humanness. You have always been a mirror of hope that I could always look into.

Go

Go and be well and love that girl like you loved me.

This is how I know, she, and you, will be just fine. And if I’m being honest, I know, unequivocally, that you two, will be even more than fine!

She is luckiest girl in the whole world!

And you, well… you have been given the finest gift anyone could ever imagine! (Don’t you dare screw this up!)😉

Thanks for always giving me reasons to know that you’d do the same for me❤️

🤟🏼

#somuchmore #iappreciateyourvalueinmylife