I don’t feel like a good mom, honestly, I never have, but I believe that’s the very reason why I am.

I homeschooled 5 children for 18 years.

I cooked and cleaned and poured into them.

I took them to church, every Sunday and often evenings. I obsessed over what they would wear. I skipped the end of my much needed nap and rest to get them up an out the door.

I created scenarios for devotional time.

I bought and planned and organized crafts for their creativity.

I researched and got them them the most educational toys.

I made play dates and sleepovers possible.

I did all the work to make camping vacations a pleasurable experience.

I tended to them when they were sick, in the night, cleaning up vomit on the floor, bandaging wounds and taking temperatures so they felt comforted.

I showed them how to pray, in the later years, exposing and explaining my prayer journal, hoping they would do the same.

I cooked a million meals, specific to their needs 🤦🏻‍♀️.

I attended every sporting event, I made sure they had all their sporting equipment and costumes ready at hand. I gave pep talks before and after and screamed and whistled in their victories!

Yes, these things things are important in the younger years, don’t get me wrong! I’m so proud of you parents with young children fighting daily for what to pour into them, but please remember …

We can check all the boxes.

But what I’ve learned is that all they want is my love.

All they want is me being their cheerleader.

All they want is me believing in them.

All they want is encouragement.

And ultimately, all they want is grace.

They crave the stories of my past. The things I’ve learned from and experienced, stories that they can learn from. They want my brokenness and successes. They want to hear my heart. They want to be able to learn from all of it.

We can check all the boxes, but if we are are too afraid to be transparent and weak and human, they will never learn from us.

This is what I want.

I want to be one of the humans, with a blaring beating heart that is real to them, that they are most influenced by, no matter the cost to me.