It’s hard to reconcile what our role was.

What could have been?

What if I had said this or done that?

Or called that day?

What if I would’ve asked more questions?

What if I would have seen what I see now?

Hindsight haunts me.

Tries to tell me lies.

Tries to cloud my mind with what I could’ve done, all the while knowing deep down that there’s NOTHING I could have done.

NOTHING

Accepting I will never fully understand makes me frantic!

I know myself.

I would rather spend my time blaming myself, searching for the answers, because I believe that will feel better than trusting what I do not understand…

…what will not be revealed to me at this time.

I am not God.

But right now, I want to be Him!

more than anything!

…to simply understand.

Is that too much to ask?

And then He whispers…

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.

“As the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts.

(Isaiah 55:8-9)

And then I breathe…

At least for a moment.